Is there anything good about clinging to pain? I don’t think so. If you’re grieving someone who has gone to a place from which there is no return, pause for a moment and ask yourself: “How long would I want my child to suffer?”
If you have children—or can simply imagine that you do—you probably wouldn’t want their pain to last. Yes, terrible things happen, and yet this is still life.
I found and translated a powerful process created by Robert Dilts.
This process helps you work through grief in a calming, healing way.
It includes 11 steps. They may ask for some effort and imagination, but the sequence itself is simple.
A Step-by-Step Process for Easing Grief
- Connect with your sense of loss
- Enter a clear, objective state
- Create two guardian “angels” (inner mentors)
- Form a hologram of the person you lost
- Bring that image to life
- Let this person become your mentor and offer you a gift
- Offer your gift in return
- Create a heart-to-heart connection
- Share the experience
- Welcome this mentor into your circle of inner guides
- Invite your mentors into the loss to accelerate healing
1) Connect with your loss
Place gentle attention on your feelings of separation, sadness, or grief. When it feels right, think of the person you’ve lost.
2) Enter a wise, objective state
Mentally step out of your current emotions. In your mind, create a state of wisdom and balance. Give yourself time to truly arrive there.
3) Invite your guardian mentors
Imagine two figures you trust to serve as guardian “angels.” These are mentors who, in some real sense, will remain a part of you.
4) Create a hologram of the one you lost
With your hands and imagination, shape a life-size hologram of the person you lost—seeing them in their best, ideal state. Notice any painful or negative thoughts that arise. Place all that negativity into small baskets attached to balloons and let those balloons carry it away.
5) Bring the image to life
Imagine a spiritual energy that animates this image so the person can breathe, move, and speak to you in their own voice.
6) Receive a mentor’s gift
Step into their perspective—see yourself through their eyes. Notice how they can now guide you. Return to your own body and ask this being: “What gift did you want to give me?” Look through their eyes again and allow the answer to come. Envision a symbol for the gift they offer.
7) Offer your gift in return
Back in your own perspective, answer the same question: What gift would you like to give them? Imagine a symbol that represents your gift.
8) Connect heart to heart
Exchange the gifts. Picture your hearts gently linked by an everlasting silver thread of energy.
9) Share the experience
Honor the gift and its place in your life by sharing this experience with someone you trust—or simply imagine how you might share it to keep it alive. Ask your new mentor to help you with this.
10) Welcome this mentor among your guides
Imagine your new mentor being welcomed by your existing circle of inner guides.
11) Bring your mentors into the scene of loss
Invite your gift, your mentors, and your guardians into the very situation of loss. Give yourself ample time to experience their healing, wise energies transforming your sense of balance, understanding, and personal growth.
Conclusion
My hope is that you feel real relief—now. If it still feels tender, repeat the process. Sometimes, just one sincere run-through is enough to transform grief into balance and understanding.
Further reading
If you choose not to use this process—or you’re not yet seeing the shift you want—you may appreciate an older article about grief and how we address it with FasterEFT: “To Be or Not to Be—That’s How Life Goes.”