Disclaimer: The information on this website is not a substitute for medical or psychological treatment. The content is based on personal practice and emotional work methods, not medical advice. If you are experiencing serious physical or mental health issues, please seek professional help from a qualified doctor or therapist. Emotional work is individual and results may vary.
Some relationships end quietly. Others end painfully. And sometimes they end in a way that feels like a part of your life has been torn away. Life goes on, but inside, something stays frozen. The mind keeps returning to the past. The body remembers. And the heart feels like it has nothing solid to hold onto.
If you are going through a breakup right now, you may recognize this inner conflict. One part of you wants to move forward, but another part keeps holding on. Holding on to hope. Holding on to memories. Holding on to the idea that if you do or say the right thing, everything might come back.
Robert G. Smith speaks about this very clearly. He says that the deepest suffering often does not come from the relationship ending. It comes from trying to hold onto something that has already changed. When we fight reality, reality always wins.
Why Letting Go Feels So Difficult
A breakup is not just the loss of a person. It is often the loss of a future we imagined. The loss of identity. The loss of emotional safety. The loss of a role we played in someone’s life. Sometimes, it is even the loss of proof that we were “good enough.”
This is why the pain is often not really about the other person. It is about what the relationship gave us, or what we believed it gave us. And this is where the trap begins. Instead of processing the emotion, we try to process the person.
We want explanations. Validation. Closure. Control. And when that does not happen, jealousy, anger, and fear appear. But every attempt to fix or control the situation often deepens the wound.
The Danger of Holding on to Negative Emotions
When we are hurt, difficult emotions naturally arise. Sadness. Anger. Jealousy. Shame. Sometimes even the desire for the other person to suffer as well. These reactions are human. But when we hold onto them for too long, they begin to shape our nervous system and future relationships.
Robert explains that monitoring an ex-partner, comparing ourselves, imagining their new life, or trying to interfere with their happiness is usually a desperate attempt to feel safe again. Unfortunately, safety does not come from control. It comes from emotional release.
When the body learns the belief “I am not safe without them,” it keeps repeating the pain. That belief is what needs to change.
Robert’s Advice: Let Go and Return to Yourself
Robert’s message is simple but profound: let it go. Not as denial, not as suppression, but as a decision to stop fighting what already is. Letting go does not mean erasing the past. It means releasing its emotional charge.
Four Steps to Help You Move Forward
1) Acknowledge what you truly feel
Not what you think you should feel. Not what looks reasonable. But what is real. Grief. Anger. Fear. Loneliness. The need to be chosen. When emotions are acknowledged, they begin to soften.
2) Release jealousy and insecurity
Jealousy is not proof of love. It is a signal of inner threat. Most often, it has little to do with the other person and everything to do with beliefs such as “I am not enough” or “I can be replaced.” These beliefs must be addressed at their source.
3) Let go of the need to carry pain
Sometimes we believe that holding onto pain honors the relationship. As if letting go would mean it never mattered. But love is not pain. Pain is only a record of loss. And you do not need to carry that record forever.
4) Keep the good memories and move on
You do not need to erase the past or pretend it was wrong. You can keep the gratitude and the good moments. What needs to go is attachment to the outcome, the expectation that it must return, the future that no longer exists.
The Real Root Beneath the Pain
Robert often guides people to look deeper. Why am I holding on? What does this give me? What am I afraid will happen if I let go? Very often, the answer is fear of being alone, unloved, or without meaning.
Once this root is found, the emotional pattern can be changed. This is where FasterEFT becomes a practical tool. Not as magic, but as a way to release emotional intensity, change internal images, and restore calm to the nervous system.
Your Happiness Is Not a Prisoner of the Past
The greatest gift you can give yourself after a breakup is returning to yourself. Not to the past you cannot fix. Not to the future you imagined. But to the present moment, where your strength still exists.
It may not happen instantly. Memories may return. Emotions may fluctuate. But each time you choose inner release instead of external control, you move closer to healing. When you let go of what is holding you, growth begins.
If you want practical tools to release emotional pain, change old patterns, and move forward with greater ease, visit my store. You will find eBooks focused on FasterEFT, the mind, and deep, lasting change.