Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship that is anything but joyful. It may be full of arguments, silence, manipulation, jealousy, or the constant feeling that we have to walk on eggshells and never show our true selves. And deep down we sense: this is not the first and probably not the last "relationship from hell" I’ve been in.
Why does this happen to us? The answer is both simpler – and more complex – than we think. Our relationships are not random. They are mirrors of our inner world. And if we grew up in an environment full of conflict, emotional unavailability, or fear, it is almost certain that these patterns will transfer into our adult relationships.
The past as a template for the present
Children don’t choose what kind of relationship model they see at home. Some grow up in peace and acceptance, others in tension and the struggle for love. These early experiences get stored in the unconscious and become automatic programming.
If we heard at home:
- that love is conditional,
- that we must “walk on eggshells,”
- or that conflicts are resolved with yelling or silence,
we carry this programming with us. And when we meet a partner who “fits this program,” we often unconsciously interpret it as love.
In reality, it is just the repetition of the past. And that’s why we feel stuck in a “relationship from hell.”
Why toxic relationships attract us
What is familiar, our brain perceives as safe – even if it is painful. That’s why we are unconsciously attracted to people who fit our old emotional programs.
For example:
If as children we felt we had to fight for a parent’s attention, we may attract a partner who is cold and distant.
If we grew up under manipulation, we may easily overlook red flags like jealousy or control.
If we were often criticized, we may subconsciously expect our partner to judge us and never appreciate us.
And because relationships are the strongest field where our inner wounds surface, it is exactly there that the opportunity for healing appears.
FasterEFT: the key to rewriting toxic patterns
If we want to escape a relationship from hell, it’s not enough to simply “change partners.” Without inner change, the pattern repeats again. The solution lies in inner work – and this is where FasterEFT comes into play.
This method, developed by Robert G. Smith, goes straight to the core – to the unconscious memories and emotions that drive our relationships. The process is simple, yet profound:
- You focus on the feeling triggered by the relationship (e.g., anger, sadness, helplessness).
- You gently tap on specific points (temples, forehead, under the eye, collarbone).
- While tapping, you allow the body to release tension and the mind begins to reprogram.
- The original painful memory or emotion loses its intensity.
In this way, we begin to rewrite our “relationship template” and create a new inner setting – one where we know we deserve love, respect, and peace.
When relationships end – and when we stay
A relationship from hell can bring us to rock bottom. But it is often there that we realize we don’t want to continue repeating these patterns.
Sometimes that means ending the relationship and leaving. Other times, if both sides are willing, it can bring profound transformation. But it never begins with “changing the other person.” It always begins within us.
I often hear from clients: “Why do I always meet the same type of people?” The answer is simple: because until we change the inner program, we keep attracting the same stories. And FasterEFT is the tool that helps rewrite that program.
The power of self-awareness and self-love
Self-esteem and self-acceptance are the foundations of healthy relationships. If we carry the belief “I am not good enough,” relationships will keep showing it to us.
But when we learn to accept ourselves, our relationships begin to shift. Suddenly we don’t need a partner to prove our worth. We already know it ourselves.
That is the moment when a “relationship from hell” turns into a lesson that opened the door to a better life.
Relationships are not accidents. They are precise reflections of what we carry inside. If you find yourself in a “relationship from hell,” it is not a punishment – it is an opportunity. An opportunity to understand what within you is asking for healing.
Whether you decide to end the relationship or transform it, the key is always inner work. FasterEFT, emotional release, self-awareness, and self-love allow you to rewrite old patterns and create new relationships – healthier, kinder, and more authentic.