I like a great definition of what fear really is. It comes from the English word FEAR, often taken as an acronym for four words: False Evidence Appearing Real.
What does this actually mean? That we have some kind of evidence inside us telling us there’s a reason to be afraid. This evidence can be an inner feeling that makes us act conditionally (“we’re like conditioned animals”), or images and references replaying in our mind—visually or auditorily—often below conscious awareness.
In simple terms, fear is something within us that tries to protect us from experiencing again something we:
- have already gone through and found traumatizing, or
- picked up from someone else’s story that was convincing enough to create our own inner evidence and references (sometimes one good storyteller is enough).
These are the two main reasons, but sometimes the original event wasn’t very traumatic; it simply repeated a few times, and with each repetition we built stronger foundations for our inner evidence.
Phobias look similar, but often come from one highly traumatic event—this is why experienced NLP practitioners can sometimes release a phobia in about ten minutes.
With long-standing fear and avoidance, things can be trickier because the fear may not feel “urgent.” We may not notice how much it takes away. A person may simply avoid a certain activity and kind of “make peace” with never doing it again.
Let’s agree, at least for now, that fear is an inner program that protects us from repeating something that might harm us physically or mentally. This program exists for a good reason, yet often we no longer need it—but it still won’t leave. Or we’ve “accepted” that we’ll never do that thing.
Assurance: You’re Safe
Before we get into the practical steps, here’s something important: When you release your fear, it doesn’t mean you will be “forced” to do the activity in question. This matters.
Failed attempts in therapy often relate to what’s called secondary gains. No one can force you to do anything against your will. Releasing fear simply gives you the option to do it if you want.
By “activities,” I mean things like flying, a particular sport, or everyday skills such as riding a bike or driving a car. If it’s a fear of spiders, it doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly get one as a pet—unless you want to.
Personally, I don’t need to hug spiders, but I also don’t run to the other side of the room waiting for someone else to deal with it. I just carry it out safely.
So you can feel completely safe knowing you’re releasing something that controls you consciously or unconsciously. What you do afterward is entirely up to you.
Let’s Get to Work
Let’s take fear of spiders as an example…
Step One — The List
Write down everything you’ve experienced related to your fear of spiders. Include all events and moments when someone told you how bad or dangerous spiders are, etc.
Start from your earliest childhood.
We want to start at the very beginning. Why? Because when we start at the beginning, it’s possible that:
- your subconscious will lead you to a memory you didn’t recall while writing the list, and
- by releasing one or several of the earliest memories, the fear will begin to fall away from the rest of the list automatically.
This way, you can release fear in just a few minutes. For Robert Smith (author of FasterEFT), working with a fear of spiders can sometimes take only 3–10 minutes.
Isn’t it amazing that after three to ten minutes someone can hold a spider calmly—maybe even stroke it and say it’s actually quite pretty?
Sometimes the changes are so fast and profound that it feels unbelievable. From a professional perspective, it’s simply changing a conditioned reflex and releasing negative memories and references.
Let’s Do It
Start at the top of your list:
Take the first memory. Breathe in and out, and step into the memory as if it’s happening now. Ask yourself: “How do I know this is a problem?” Rate it from 0 to 10. (0 = nothing; 10 = very intense.)
If intensity isn’t at 10, look at your submodalities (notice what you’re doing inside). What do you see, hear, and feel? Increase the intensity: bring the inner image closer, add color; if you see yourself from the outside, step into your body so you view the event through your own eyes.
Notice if the image is like a photo in a frame or like a movie.
Notice where the sounds are coming from—inside your head or from outside.
Something to Smile About :)
A patient comes to a psychiatrist and says: “Doctor, I have voices in my head. I must be crazy!”
The psychiatrist thinks to himself: “He hears voices in his head… hmm, he must be crazy…”
Notice the speed, the tone, etc. Turn the sounds up.
Notice where exactly the sensations in your body are. Can you describe them with a metaphor? For example: a stone on the chest, a backpack on your shoulders, etc.
If you feel emotions—good. Feel them more. This is the last time…
Imagine you’re holding a bunch of helium balloons. What happens when you let them go? … they fly away, right?
Tapping…
Or, for the next part, you can simply follow these tapping points:
- Between the eyebrows: I release and let go of all sadness.
- Side of the eye: I release and let go of all fears.
- Under the eye: I release and let go of all emotional traumas.
- Collarbone: I release and let go of all hopelessness, helplessness, despair, anxiety, the feeling that nothing can change, fear, rejection, betrayal, abandonment, judgment, anger, rage, hatred, anxiety… (and any other emotions you noticed).
- Grab your wrist: deep breath in, out — blow it all away — and say “Peace.”
- Go back to the memory and notice what changed.
- Notice what remains.
- Between the eyebrows: I let it go.
- Side of the eye: I let it go.
- Under the eye: It’s safe to let it go.
- Collarbone: I let it go.
- Grab your wrist: just let it go.
- Deep breath in, out, Peace.
- Now return to the memory again.
For many of you, a big shift may have just happened—the scene may have changed completely, or the emotions faded. If something remains, continue. Notice the remaining sensations and, for example, say:
“I release and let go of this pressure on my chest… this tingling in my head…” Use each tapping point. Keep working until the memory becomes pleasant or neutral.
Time for the Flip
Take the memory you’ve just cleared of negative emotion and flip it into something positive.
Recall a wonderful moment in your life—holding a puppy for the first time, or a newborn. Notice those feelings. Notice where you feel them.
Return to the cleared memory and send that feeling to yourself and everyone involved. They will send it back to you. If it’s a spider, send it to the spider as well. It’s not doing anything different from you—it’s just trying to survive in a big world.
Deep breath in, out—say “Peace.”
Go back to the memory. If you feel good, that’s right. If anything remains, tap until you feel fine.
Check
Return to the memory and try to bring the negative feelings back. If you can, keep tapping. If you absolutely can’t, you’ve won.
Then ask yourself: “How do I know I’m afraid of spiders?” If fear remains, check the intensity and continue with the next memory on your list.
Do this as long as needed—as long as you feel fear.
Isn’t it brilliant?
What you might try to treat with medication for years—often without lasting results—can fade within minutes, sometimes for good…
What Not to Do
Before you clear the real memories, please don’t create imaginary scenarios in your head and tap on them. That usually takes a very long time. First release the references that keep control over the fear itself.
If you do this properly, it’s no longer the spiders (for example) that control you—you control yourself, and you become (at least in this area) the master of your life again.